Friday, September 24, 2010

How can you mend a broken heart?

It's all about perspective people.

I had a crappy day today. No other way to say it. It was pure crap. Anything that could have gone wrong, did. It just did. None of these things amounted to HUGE deals but man did they make my day....suck.

Some days are just like that, right? We've all been there.

Truth is, I've had a rough couple of weeks. OK months. I won't bore you all to tears with the whys and the hows and the details and the drama but suffice it to say, in the last few months I've loved, I've lost, I've laughed, I've cried, I've cried some more and then when I was all done crying, I found a way to release a few more tears. There have been days when getting out of bed was about the best I could muster. There's been even more days when putting on "the show" was almost more than I could bear.

I'm calling it a mid-life crisis and we'll leave it at that.

But it's allllllllllllllllllll about perspective. EVERYTHING is all about perspective. Stay with me.

This morning my day started with, "Oh crap I didn't get the garbage out last night!" to "OMG the trashcan is full of..... magg....!" to "OMFG my precious munchkin left his "reading light" on the in the van and the battery is dead!" to "No, REALLY the battery is DEAD. As in, drive directly to battery store. Do not pass "go" and for the love of all things holy, do NOT turn your car off," to just a host of things that fell apart one...right...after....another. The day was long. My patience was tried. My head ached. My eyes burned. My heart hurt. I felt depleted, exhausted, emotional, tired, frustrated, angry...and .... defeated.

Stay with me.

10 years ago at this VERY MOMENT ~ this was my perspective.

Look closely. There's a baby in there.

My baby.

10 years ago my precious beautiful 8 day old baby went through an extremely aggressive open heart surgery for something called transposition of the great vessels.

Today, my 10 year old got off the bus, bounding through the door with stories of his day before he even had a chance to take a breath. He laughed and I laughed and we hugged and I kissed the top of his stinky 10 year old head.

And suddenly, my crappy day.........well..........

perspective.

I can deal with a new battery. I can even deal with "ahem" the garbage can. I can deal with Costco being out of Smart Water. I can deal with the laundry piled to the ceiling. I can deal with forgetting to pick up the dry cleaning (again). I can deal with the hurt, the anger the tears and even my broken heart.

As long as it's not his.

Because here's the thing. There's a lot of things I can push and gut my way through. But a life without my kids is not one of them.

Perspective.

People talk about the grass being greener. Here's what I've learned. The grass ain't greener. It's just a different shade of green. And that shade .... is based on your.......

OK, you get it.

"Being happy doesn't mean that everything is perfect. It means you've decided to look beyond the imperfections."

9 comments:

april said...

Commenting to test for my mom. Yeah, I comment on my own blogs. LOL

grace said...

I will try again, I am crying again, she does this to me every time!
I remember those days, when it felt like someone ripped out our guts, when we couldn't look at each other for fear we would - who know what. When I couldn't hold you and take your pain away, when we had to take turns seeing Jared, and I knew you wanted to kill me and dad because we were there taking up your time! When we didn't know if jared would come home, but then I watched these two young parents who I loved so much, read and talk to their son like nothing was wrong, how you put pictures around him, so he would know we were there at all times, to the amazement of all the doctors, nurses, other parents and your parents, THE TWO OF YOU PULLED YOUR SON THRU that most horrific time in his 8 days......I guess that is why he is, in my opinion the M'OST loving kid, he learned from his parents.....

Corina said...

I love you April - you are so amazing. You inspire, you are so loving & so selfless despite all of life's challenges that you have endured & overcome. I read your blogs with tears, awe and such admiration for you and Jeff and your amazing boys who are uniquely "brilliant" in their own individual way.
Your Mum's words brought a lump to my throat & tear to my eye too, I can see where you get it from!
I miss you skankity-skank xx

April said...

Thank you Skank. I miss you so much girl. You have NO IDEA. Your kind words mean a lot to me. =)

Karla said...

Great post! I had a crud day too. Thanks for reminding me of the important things.

jmahugger said...

April~~ I too shed a few tears reading your blog today!! Thanks for sharing with us & reminding us it's okay to have bad days!! That we do get through them in time. You have two beautiful sons unique in their own ways!! You & Jeff are amazing parents!! I admire you both!!! <3<3<3

Leigh and Andy said...

I can still remember that email. The email letting us know what was going on with your sweet, new Jared. I had been with you only hours earlier and I was in shock that something could be "wrong" with that perfect baby. The love that you had for him was written all over your face and my heart broke for you reading that email. You and Jeff were so strong and so inspiring during that time (I now know that you have no choice in situations like that) From the first sight of you being a mom, I knew that I wanted to be a mom like you. April, you are an amazing mother and an amazing person. Yet again, reminding me and teaching me more than you know through one little blog post. Thanks. Love you.

April said...

Well Leigh -- I'm sobbing now! Thank you for your very kind, thoughtful, loving words. They mean so much. You have no idea.

Jen said...

It is nice to be reminded that the grass isn't greener on the other side. Life throws us all curve balls and tests our will to fight through. You and Jeff fight for your children and surround them with LOVE. Everyone that comes in contact with you can see your fight and passion for life. You are one of the strongest women I know. We all love you!!!!

Keep blogging...keep inspiring...keep working hard through all of life's curve balls. I love YOU!!!

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