April Walks With Autism

Special thanks and shout out to Andy and Leigh Gibbs for teaching me how to make my blog look good! =)

Sometimes, I'm just in the mood for a little JT. OK in reality, I'm ALWAYS in the mood for some JT. But today, I need to get my "sexy back" or in this case, my "A" game.

The thing about being a parent is that you need to have your "A" game on at all times. *Sigh* (I sigh a lot in my blogs, don't I?) I mean you never get a day off or a moment off or a minute to yourself ever again. Suddenly everyone is watching YOU waiting to see how YOU will react. Which is really fun when all you want to do is scream, or cry, or sob, or break down. But, you don't get to do that. Because if Mommy loses it, then EVERYONE is going to lose it, which............

only makes it WORSE for Mommy.

And the last thing we ever want to do, is make things worse for Mommy.

So Mommy puts on a brave face and smiles, even though sometimes she wants to die inside.



Sometimes I think this is the single hardest part about being a parent. Because we all know that suddenly we lose our identities to our children. You give birth, and from that moment forward you are known as, "Jared's Mom," or "Luke's Mom," and "April Schmidt" ceases to exist. Suddenly everything you do, everything you live for, every decision you make, every smile you fake, is for your kids.

And that's OK. Most of the time.

DO NOT misunderstand, 99% of the time, my smiles are real. I am one of those people who genuinely loves and ENJOYS my children. There is no place I would rather be than with them. However, there are days when you just wake up in a damn funk and you want to sit and pout about it. But I don't have that option. On the few occasions I have "lost it" in front of my kids, I can see the look on their faces, "Oh.MY.God. The Apocalypse is near!" and I scramble to make things right really fast.

Today is one of those days where the laundry is piled up to the ceiling, the entire house needs vacuuming, the flowers need watering, the garden needs weeding, the backpacks need to be emptied (I mean, school has been out for almost 5 days now), dinner needs cooking, bathrooms need bleaching, husbands need _______, floors need mopping, kids need loving, toenails need painting, camps need scheduling, parents need calling, etc etc etc etc etc etc. All of this and I woke up in a funk.

It's almost like being an actor, ALL THE TIME. No matter what phone call you just got, "You owe the IRS $10,000." you have to hang up the phone and put on that brave face for your kids. How about being in the checkout line at Target and one kid is screaming, the cell phone is ringing (and you can't find it), it's time to pay (can't find your debit card either), and the other one has just pooped and it actually fell OUT of his diaper and it is sitting in a neat pile on the floor.... your body tempurature just went up about 200 degrees and you're quite certain you have those really gross wet pit stains on your shirt and YOU have to pee yourself so you're really uncomfortable......... smile! How are you going to make this a "teaching moment?"

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

By the way, that target thing? It's a true story. Swear.

The thing is, those little eyes are on you ALL THE TIME and how we respond and react to everything~ the big things and sometimes, more importantly, the small things really does teach our children a lifetime of lessons.


In short, this is WHY being a mom is the hardest job you'll ever love.

And, it is the MOST important job you'll ever have.

Because one way or another, we find a way to pull it off. Every.single.time.

Well, almost.